The letter that never got sent

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Decluttering can be a good or a bad thing  you may find old gems dear to your heart, or find stuff that opens up scars from the past. My sister went to our old house and found my diary dated from 2011  it was a letter that I was supposed to give to the person I loved back then before our graduation. Sabi nga ni mareng Carson sa I'm Drunk I Love You, "Graduate na tayo. Graduate na ako." 

I don't know if I just copied it somewhere else (lol) or if it even makes sense, but here it goes:

I guess sometimes the thing you want the most is the thing you cannot have. Know that I am not kidding when I said I would sacrifice anythingeverythingfor you, because you and me, us, we and ours always mean that much to me.

Desire, I guess, wears us out, leaves us broken.
Desire, I guess, can wreck a life.

But you know, as tough as wanting something can be, I think the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want or worse, don't do what is necessary to get what they want.

In the best possible way, you have absolutely wrecked me because you see? I fell in love with you. Always with a feeling, deep down that there was very little chance of my ever being with you for that always.

Definition of insanity, I guess, but holding true the adage that to love and win is the best thing; to love and lose, the next bestbecause at least I loved you with a love unsurpassed and never to be duplicated, completely, totally, unconditionally, without limits and with a depth that not even poets have been able to capture or even describe.

...

"I wish you happiness. I wish you joy. I wish you grace. I hope that your life leaves you filled to overflowing with all that you had hopedsurpassing your every expectation. There is a wonderful benediction that goes something like, my wish for you:

"Comfort on difficult days,
Smile when sadness intrudes,
Rainbows to follow the clouds,
Laughter to kiss your lips,
Sunsets to warm your heart,
Hugs when spirits sag,
Beauty for your eyes to see,
Friendship to brighten your being,
A heart constantly warmed by family and friends,
Faith so that you can believe,
Confidence for when you doubt,
Courage to know yourself,
Patience to accept the truth,
Love to complete your life.

I do wish all those things for you."

I will miss telling you what you mean to me which is nothing less than what you mean to the world. I will miss finding new and wonderful ways to express my every feeling which are numerous, deep and consuming. I will miss telling how handsome, amazing, intelligent, bright and sensual you are. I will miss describing the wonderment that is every one of your special places and experiencing each of them inch by inch, touch by touch, kiss by kiss, for a lifetime.

...you know you'll always find ways to my heart, but I pray that one day the taste of your name which sounds of beauty, sunshine, smiles, bliss and the warmth of a blessed day, will sound so, though I am not hopeful. That anytime I need to see your face, I will just close my eyes and you will be there and know that no matter what, you'll always have my heart...

And while I will always hope, pray and wish for the day when you come to me and say "I am yours. I miss you. I want you back", I will also just pray for the day when I won't need you so badly, every minute of every day and every second in between.

You are a love, beyond love and you will always be here in my heart.

Oh, to be young and in love and reckless.

Want to know how the story goes? Read this: One Last Goodbye.

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