One Last Goodbye

Saturday, March 11, 2017

It was a sunny Friday morning. I was running late to my class, then I saw you. You were walking beside me, telling me where you were going  that you were nervous going to your interview. You were talking nonstop and I was trying to hold my breath, trying to stop myself from telling you something stupid. It all seems familiar to me. It's as if I was living in the past.

That was the moment I was so afraid might happen. I am afraid it all goes back to that day. I'm afraid that I thought I already moved past you and might lose it. I'm afraid that I thought I am okay, but I am not. The moment that I fear I might not handle well that my strong front of how well I am doing might crumble to dust. Loving you felt like I was traveling through time and I suddenly felt as if I was that teenage girl again, eagerly following you around and waiting for you to give me your time. But, I am not that girl anymore.

I remember it all too well. The time when I was like in a hyper-speed roller coaster diving straight into destruction and praying you were there to catch me. It started with a spark that spread like wildfire. I looked at you  you still had the alluring eyes and killer smile so riveting and that charm that I fell for. One look in those unfathomable eyes and I am already lost. You were my familiarity and my comfort zone but not anymore. It took me years to get used to the fact that you and I are not meant to be and that moment was all I needed. It was the closure I've always wanted to get.

I didn't have the jitters nor butterflies in my stomach I thought I would have. I would have thought that moment would trigger a comeback, but it did not. There were no sparks, no chemical reactions, no anxiety or panic, no fear or shame, no awkwardness, not even an embarrassment. There were no giddiness nor romantic thoughts or anything of that sort. We were talking just like the good old days. Everything feels the same, but everything has changed. I felt happy. I felt at peace.

To you, thank you for the wonderful memories but I guess this was it. This is my good-bye.

I once felt like I was home, but that home is no longer mine. I never regretted loving you. What we had was good, but sometimes all good things must come to an end, and this is ours.

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